It’s true to say that many young men, on reaching the age in their lives when pubescence takes control of their lateral thinking, find themselves fantasizing about older females, often twice their own age and upwards. For instance it’s quite common for young men still at school age, testosterone flying everywhere, to have the ‘hots’ for one or more of their female teachers, neighbor’s wife or even a pal’s mother.
The consensus of opinion reached by many is that the attraction by a young male to a more mature woman is based around the fact that she has experience… a working knowledge of the male anatomy, and a sexual prowess not to be discovered so easily in a younger woman his own age.
Although there are exceptions, in the majority of cases, his secret lusting remains just that, and goes unnoticed by the older female who still regards him as a young student or friend of her son.
However, as the young male grows older, and gains his own level of experience, so his desire for the mature female wanes, and on reaching middle age, will frequently have his head ‘turned’ by a much younger woman.
All this is in stark contrast to the attraction patterns noted in the life of the female of the species. Whereas the young girl, on first becoming sexually aware, will hone her intimacy skill on the younger male, she will often be less interested in him as she gets older, turning her attention to the more mature men that cross her path. But why is this the case?
The Sugar Daddy Phenomenon, whilst oftentimes the source of amusement for some, can in fact develop into quite a powerful relationship, with loyalty, romance and chivalry being key factors in the union. Many women note that a guy around her own age or younger, will not show her the same level of respect, or pay as much attention to detail that his older counterpart will be inclined to show her.
It’s a valid point that women are more mature than men at any given age, and its not surprising that by the time she reaches her mid-thirties, she already feels more compatible with a male ten or twenty years her senior, and left guys her own age, far behind both in mentality and emotionally. Her more mature partner is more equipped to seduce her mind as well as her body. He will be less afraid of displaying public affection, holding her hand or opening doors for her. Happy to allow the whole world see how proud he is to be by her side.
Sexually too, he may not be an athlete between the sheets, yet he will feel the need to ensure his girl is pleasured well as a priority over seeking to satisfy his own desires. Her younger lover will no doubt give her “the best seventeen seconds she’s ever had”, before raiding her fridge in search of a beer. Whereas in the case of her older guy, the foreplay will begin in the restaurant with witty flirting, eye contact and laughter. Later they will enjoy the afterglow together, the passion may have subsided but the emotion still very much alive.
The term ‘Sugar Daddy’ was first used in the early 1920’s and is described in the WordWeb Dictionary as “A wealthy older man who gives a young person expensive gifts in return for friendship or intimacy”. The sugar in this term alluded to the sweetening role of the gifts, and daddy to the age difference between the pair. There is no mention of love, romance or indeed a relationship in the dictionary description of the term, Yet it is a fact that women are often attracted, even turned on by men of substance or power. Is it so inconceivable then, that a younger woman could find happiness in a relationship with a guy old enough to be her father, who has so much more to offer her than money and gifts?
This month Austin-based profressional matchamker and relationship expert Julia McCurley weighs in on what we all see among the wealthy: younger women attracted to older men. Long a staple in many cultures, McCurley examines the basis of how it really works.
The first thought that comes to many women’s minds when they think of older men dating younger women is that men might only be interested in eye candy and in perpetuating the illusion of their own youth. For some men, this may be true, yet I have found that the attraction is a little more complicated than that.
Older men love dating younger women because of three primary reasons.
1. Younger women may be more sexually attractive to them.
2, Younger women help older men feel more youthful.
3. Younger women idolize older men and do not call them on their issues like an older woman might.
These are all the stereotypical reasons that come to mind to some people think older men love to date younger woman. According to famed psycholigist Abraham Maslow, there are five basic human needs experienced to varying degrees by all of us. However, some of us have higher needs than others genetically at different developmental stages in our lives. Here is some food for thought in regards to that.
First is the survival need, which encompasses the need to stay alive with food, clothing and shelter but it also includes the psychological needs to feel safe and secure. Younger women are often looking for a sense of security that an older man can provide. Older men love dating younger women because the level of security they can offer a younger woman satisfies her in ways it might not an older partner he might seek.
The next need is connection. We all have a need to be connected to other people. Some of us need that more than others. This is a need that is different for men and women at different stages in their lives. Young adult women typically have a larger need for connection. While they will create careers, their main focus is their relationship and creating a family. Young adult men, on the other hand, are most focused on the need for significance. They have relationships and start families but their primary focus is figuring out a way to make it in the world. In young adult relationships, these needs are often in conflict, as the woman wants more intimacy and quality time and the younger man is instead focused on work and building his career.
The next need is freedom. People with high freedom needs do best in relationships with someone else who also possesses a high freedom need. Another reason older men love dating youger women is because even though she is focused on connection, she might be willing to allow an older man freedom in exchange for the security and the attention he gives her when they are together. This ofte creates a win/win arrangement for both.
The fourth need is fun. A younger woman still has a keen sense of energetic fun whereas an older woman may have transitioned into meeting her fun need with her children or having a quieter kind of fun. This younger, energetic kind of fun is attractive to an older man who may be feeling his mortality and seeking a bit more fun than he’s had in his past relationships.
Older men date younger women for many reasons. Some of the relationships last, some don’t. Here’s why.
1. Fantasy love fades. Usually within a year. At first, the older man is in love with her looks and youthful spirit. Eventually, he realizes all they have in common is a roof over their heads, and he’ll be off to look for a relationship with substance he might not thought he found with a younger woman.
2. Older men may say they feel younger, but dating younger women won’t make them younger. No matter how hard older men try to make the wrinkles disappear, the darn things keep showing up in the mirror.
3. Older men and younger women utilize each other, similar to a business arrangement. He has money, assets, power, and security; she has youth and beauty. If the money runs out, or someone richer comes along, she may break the lease, leaving him with an empty wallet and his arms around a tree trying to survive the storm the relationship may have created.
4. OK, maybe she’s not using him. Perhaps she loves him because he’s more patient, laid back, mature, gentle, and understanding than men her age. Still, she’s likely considered his financial attribute at some point. Rarely do I see younger women with destitute older men. Do you?
What matters most to all people is love, no matter what the age or circumstance. With more love in your life, there will be more life in your love.